Points to consider before you think about settling down in Chennai?
Here is your check-list before you finally decide.
1) Is your body designed to sustain a temperature of 45 degree Celsius during winters and 55 degree Celsius during summers?
2) Are you completely confident about your lungi tying skills? Chennai people are yet to discover a lungi with provisions for a belt. You are risking yourself of becoming an overnight celebrity due to Wardrobe malfunctions. You may wake up in the morning seeing yourself getting discussed on India TV panel comprising of a Shivsena leader, a gay fashion designer, Baba Ramdev, Brinda karat and Carol Gracious joining on video conferencing. Do not get surprised if you get your own MMS on your mobile. After all it’s a small world.
3) Do you love noodles up to an extent that you fancy reading a newspaper that looks like noodles all over with some pictures in between? If you can’t differentiate between a maggy gone wrong and a Tamil newspaper you might reconsider your decision.
4) Are you going to Chennai for seeing more of Sridevis, Hema Malinis and Asins in Tamil movies? Dude.. The best of Chennai beauties are already working in Hindi movies. Forget Hindi, Naghma has done more Bhojpuri movies than Tamil ones. You don't need to go to Chennai for that.
5) How confident are you about your skills to convince a person especially a Tamil guy. Look at a big MNC like HUL; they are still struggling to convince Chennai lads to use fair-and-lovely with apparently no success. Do you think you are better equipped than HUL? No? Please stop.
6) Were you consider great in those tongue twisters games played during childhood? If not, and you are planning to shift to Chennai, better start practicing with names of places around Chennai as tongue twisters. You don’t want to end up asking for Rasmalai to a taxi guy when you actually wanted to go to Thiruvannamalai.
7) Did you anyhow memorize names of all elements in the periodic tables with their Atomic symbols? Remember.. He-Helium, Al-Aluminum, Fe-Ferrium, Rh-Rutherfodium. If your answer is yes, here is a bigger task for you. Now you will have to remember names like PHTY Balasubramanium, JGTK Kalaburanium. As a general formula for name will be; 4-5 Alphabets in any possible permutation followed by some metallic names Subramanium , Ramchandran or non metallic names like TRSL Ganeshan.
8) Do you have a moustache? If no..Either stop shaving or get ready your son asking you not to come to the parents meet. Coz fathers without moustache at chennai can be a case of deep embarrassment to the kids. If you are a single mom and you can’t have a moustache, at least you should stop visiting waxing parlors to compensate.
9) Do you think importance of coconut in your life is limited up to something you and your girlfriend sipped together using straw and stealing few sweet kisses in between and threw away? Dude if you are coming to Chennai, get ready to accept coconut as your starter, main course, chutney and deserts. Not only that coconut will be your source of cooking oil, hair oil, massage oil, will act as your prasad for god and weapon when you are fighting with goons.
10) Last but not the least. Are you ready for leaving your current religion and accept Rajni as your GOD? What did you say? He is not GOD? Tell me one thing what GOD can do but Rajni cant? Unlike your GOD, he does not have to take different births to show all his Avatars. He just changes his wigs. :)
© Shekhar Suman
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