Shaadi mein jaroor aana remakes

I just saw movie "Shaadi mein jaroor aana" after I listened to and liked the song Jogi. Movie has an interesting plot, a guy gets rejected by a girl because she gets a PCS job on wedding night. She runs away from the wedding because the boy is an ordinary clerk. Rejected boy wants revenge and works hard to become an IAS officer. Now girl realizes her mistake and woos the boy back. This movie plot about PCS and IAS is too much UP Bihar centric, but since it is an interesting plot it can be remade in different languages with some modifications.

Punjabi version:

Girl runs away on wedding night because she gets her Canada visa and boy still has a blank Indian passport. Boy works hard and gets UK citizenship and opens a restaurant at Southall, London. Now girl realizes her mistake and woos the boy back.

Title: Shaadi mein jaroor aana, Brit citizenship le jaana

Gujarati version:

Girl runs away on wedding night because she gets a marriage offer from a big share market broker called Mehta while boy is still a petrol pump guy. Guy works hard and opens an oil refinery. Girl realizes mistake after Mehta loses his money in sensex crash one day and woos the boy back.

Title: maro dhandho ko chhoto na samajhna..

Shaadi mein jaroor aana

Marathi version:

Girl runs away on wedding night because she gets an offer from other guy who takes oath as CM on same night by doing some setting with the governor. The dejected boy who has only one third MLAs required to be the CM, forms an alliance with his archrivals and gets the majority to become the CM. Boy after becoming CM, orders demolition of her illegal flat that he only had gifted her during courtship period. Girl realizes her mistake and woos the boy back.

Title: majhya lagnat swagat aahe

Me ata mukhyamantri aahe.

Hollywood version ( directed by Tarantino): Girl had to run away on wedding night because psycho goons kills the groom at the altar. Girl trains in Japanese sword martial arts for revenge. But when she returns she realizes that killer of her groom is actually a bounty hunter and has become filthy rich after the massacre at her wedding as her groom was a wanted outlaw. Girl realizes her mistake and woos the bounty hunter for marriage.

Title: The hateful bounty hunter wedding.

Bong version: Girl Bela Bose ditches Anirban Chaudhary by running away from wedding. She marries a guy named Sondipan Guha and hence becomes Bela Bose Guha. Meanwhile Anirban is dejected but forgets her soon as it's pooja time in Kolkata. Meanwhile Bela feels bad about her  new short name as everyone calls her biwi ji ( BBG). Frustrated with her new short name, She comes back and woos Anirban and  becomes Bela Bose Choudhary ( BBC)

मुखिया मेरी बीवी को क्यों नही मना रहा

एक आदमी था। बड़ा ही सनकी और गुस्सैल। हमेशा बीवी को धमकियां देता और ताने मारता। चाय लाने में दो मिनट देर हुई नही की गालियॉ देना शुरू। तेरे लक्षण ठीक नहीं है, तेरा गांव के मुखिया से चक्कर है। एक दिन गुस्से में आकर उसने बीवी को थप्पड़ जड़ दिया। बीवी ने हड़ताल कर दी। माफी मांगो तभी घर का चूल्हा जलेगा। 2-3 दिन तो चला, फिर आदमी की अकल ठिकाने आयी। बीवी की हड़ताल खत्म करने के लिये गांव के मुखिया के यहां डेरा डाल दिया।
आने जाने वाले लोगों को कहता मुखिया मेरी बीवी को क्यों नही मना रहा, और अगर मेरा घर एक अलग गांव होता तो मैं उसका मुखिया होता और बीवी की हड़ताल खत्म करवा देता। दो चार दूर के पड़ोसी भी जमा हुए जिनका मुखिया से थोड़ा मनमुटाव था। कहने लगे रूठी बीवी को मनाना मुखिया का धर्म है, मुखिया अधर्मी हो अपने कर्त्तव्य से विमुख है।

हम चाहते हैं कि मुखिया इस भले आदमी की दो मांगे अभी मान ले। उसकी बीवी की हड़ताल अभी खत्म करवाये और उसके घर को अलग गांव घोषित करे। गांव वाले परेशान थे, मुखिया के दरवाज़े जाएँ तो तमाशबीनों का मेला लगा रहता। उन्होंने मन बना लिया कि अपनी ही बीवी को थप्पड़ मार कर यह सारा तमाशा करने वाले इस आदमी को गांव से जरूर निकाल फेकेंगे। बस वो अगले मौके का इंतजार कर रहे थे।

रुक जाइए..राहुल जी की आवाज़ तो सुनते जाइए ..

रुक जाइए..राहुल जी की आवाज़ तो सुनते जाइए ..

रुक जाइए..
राहुल जी की आवाज़ तो सुनते जाइए ..
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माना आप प्यासे हैं , भूखे हैं ग़रीब हैं .
कभी ना जागे आपके नसीब हैं
पर किया आपने इंतज़ार साठ साल
साठ मिनिट में ना होंगे बेहाल ..
रुक जाइए..
राहुल जी की आवाज़ तो सुनते जाइए ..
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माना आपके बच्चे हैं भूखे
आपके खेत हैं सूखे
जो किया नहीं अब तक
करेंगे वैसा विकास
अगले पाँच साल तक
ग़रीबी हटाएँगे वादा किया था दादी ने
वोही वादा युवराज से भी सुनते जाइए
रुक जाइए..
राहुल जी की आवाज़ तो सुनते जाइए ..
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माना आपके घर नहीं है प्याज
पैसे नहीं कि खरीदें अनाज
जमाखोरों ने बनाया जंगलराज
रोते क्यूँ हैं इतना ..आदत पड़ जाएगी
अब तक तो सहा ही है आगे भी सहते जाइए
रुक जाइए..
राहुल जी की आवाज़ तो सुनते जाइए ..
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माना रुकी पड़ी आपकी लाडली की शादी
बेटा है बेरोज़गार खाते रोटी आधी
लाएँगे आपके चेहरे पर मुस्कानश्री गाँधी
सुनाकर कहानियाँ जिसमें हैं पालक मच्छर मम्मी और दादी
अरे जब पूरा देश ही रुक चुका है
आप भी रुक जाइए
राहुल जी की आवाज़ तो सुनते जाइए ..
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माना डेंगू मलेरिया ने ली आपकी जान
बाढ़ सूखे ने किया आपका नुकसान
आत्महत्या कर किसान पहुँचे श्मशान
पर आप ना हों परेशान
सेक्युलॅरिटी है सबका समाधान
यही बात आप समझ जाइए रुक जाइए..
राहुल जी की आवाज़ तो सुनते जाइए ..

How To Celebrate a Liberal Diwali on Social Media with #HashTags

Step By Step guideline for Celebrating a liberal Diwali on Social Media.. #CelebrateDiwaliWithHashtags

1) Buy/Order a diesel guzzler SUV this Diwali and make it your profile pic with Hashtag #BigBoysBigToys #FeelingMacho

2) Have every inch of your house covered by total of 6 tonnes capacity Air conditioners to ensure a sound sleep your family and pet dog. Share some cute pics of your dog sleeping in AC room with the hashtag #HomeIsWhereHeartIs #MahBaby

3) Advance book tickets to watch Big Diwali release first day first show spending Rs 600 per ticket and spend another Rs 500 per plate of Nachos / Cola. Hashtag #FeelingBlessed #ADHMRocks.

) Deny a road side vendor of Crackers and Diyas their Diwali business by sharing and promoting #SmokelessDiwali #CrackerFreeDiwali #SayNoToCrackers . Share your selfies taken at Sydney Fireworks show taken during your last Sydney trip. #SensationalSydney #WhenFireLooksCool

5) Frown at your maid if she asks for a Diwali Bonus. If she still insists give her a Rs 100 note . Share this update with hashtag #GivingIsBliss #FeelingBlessed

6) If someone mentions your hypocrisies, Share posts with #IStandwithFOE, #EmergencyIsBack , #IdeaOfIndia #SayNoToHinduRashtra .

7) On Diwali morning, take pics from your own society / building with litter from cracker all around. Hashtag #FailedSwachhBharatAbhiyaan #WillModiAnswer #KyaYahihainAchcheDin.

8) In case you are confused, which hashtags are to be used, use following hashtags. These hashtags will work with any liberal message. #GangaJamunaTahjeeb #CelebrateDiwaliButRememberGaza #NoToNationalismYesToSecularism #WhyCelebrateWhenSyriaIsSuffering

9) Start browsing and planning for better and progressive festivals like Christmas. Hashtag #EarlyChristmas #Jinglebells #BeMySanta.

मैया अब रहती बीमार भैया अकल से लाचार

मैया अब रहती बीमार .. भैया अकल से लाचार..

कांग्रेस पार्टी करे विचार
कैसे लगेगी नैया पार
मैया अब रहती बीमार
भैया अकल  से लाचार

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जीजू का अपना व्यापार
बनाये अरबों लगाकर हज़ार
सी बी आइ के बल तो चली सरकार
चुनाव में कैसे टालें हार
मैया अब रहती बीमार
भैया अकल  से लाचार
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मोदी बार बार करे प्रहार
भारत निर्माण का किया प्रचार
खरीद डाले पत्र पत्रिका और पत्रकार
फिर भी नहीं मिले शुभ समाचार
मैया अब रहती बीमार
भैया अकल  से लाचार
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दिग्गी सिब्बू तिवारी हुए बेकार
राजा ने किया बँटाधार
रुपये का खिसका आधार
महंगाई पहुंची आसमान के पार
मैया अब रहती बीमार
भैया अकल से लाचार
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सर्वसम्मति से हुआ विचार
करो वो ही जो किया हर बार
चलाओ अपना वोह हथियार
जिसको कहते गाँधी परिवार
प्रियंका को कहो करें प्रचार
क्यूंकि मैया अब रहती बीमार
भैया अकल  से लाचार
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मनमोहन ने किया विचार
क्या फरक पड़ता है यार
बॉस भैया हो या दीदी
मुझे तो है बस कहना " जी सरकार जी सरकार".
मैया अब रहती बीमार
भैया अकल  से लाचार

How well do you know Pakistani Cricket Team?

Here are few questions and answers to check your knowledge about Pakistani cricket team..

Q:  What do you call a person who shoots down Pakistani cricket team with bullets?
A:  Trouble shooter.


Q:  Which company is trying to sponsor the Pakistani cricket team?
A:  Feviquik. Because they too are good “Fixers”.

Q:  Which team is most difficult to beat in its home ground?
A:  Pakistan. No team even dares to play against them on their home grounds.


Q:  What do you call the player who is most unsure about his position in the cricket team?
A:  Pakistan cricket captain.


Q:  What was the message of PCB to coach Bob Woolmer during last world cup?
A:  Do or Die.


Q:  How will Pakistan celebrate if they win the world cup?
A:  They will have a blast at Karachi!!


Q:  Why Al-queda is jealous of Pakistani cricket team?
A:  Pakistani cricket team has more wanted and banned members than Al-queda has.


Q:  What is the smartest thing Pakistani team do?
A:  They take money for losing a match, which they will lose anyway.


Q:  Why no bowler could take 10 wickets against Pakistan after Kumble?
A:  Inzamam made sure at least 2 run outs in every match after that.


Q:  What was the winning strategy Imran khan used to handle the team in 1992 to win the cup?
A:  Laton ke bhoot baaton se nahin maante.

Q:  Why Pakistani Cricket board is so poor?
A:  Because its players do not pay PCB its share from their real income.

Q:  What can you tell about an honest Pakistani cricket player?
A:  He is poor and does not have to pay income tax.

Q:  Why Pakistani players are sad about their match fees?
A:  President Zardari has already deducted his 10% from their match fees.


Q:  Why we can expect better fielding from Pakistani side?
A:  They got enough practice “fielding” questions from Scotland Yard police.


Q:  What are the chances of Shoaib Akhtar getting retired after this world cup?
A:  20%. 80% chances are of him getting banned.


Q:  What is Pakistani strategy regarding toss?
A:  If they win the toss, they will bat, else they will bet.


Q:  Why Pakistanis are not good at catching the ball?
A:  They practiced using grenades. They always threw it, never caught it.

Q:  Why Pakistani players are often seen tempering the ball?
A:  Same answer. They practiced using grenades. They try to take out the pin before throwing it.


Q:  Does Pakistani team fix every match they lose?
A:  No.. They play honestly against India in world cups.


Q:  Why Sunny Deol is Pakistani team's favorite?
A:  Because he says: ”No (as)IF, no BUTT”.

Right to laugh

26th January reminds us that we are living in the largest republic. Republics are known for the fundamental rights it gives to its citizens. I thought of reminding you of a fundamental right to you might have forgotten. It is the right to laugh. Here is the list when you can use that right to laugh..


You have a right to laugh:
1)      When Indian leaders say that India will be overtaking China very soon. Here "Soon" might be longer than a hundred years.


2)      When a cabinet minister says that prices are under control. What he has in control is the cash flow from black marketers.



3)      When Laloo Prasad says that he is going to be the next Prime Minister. You should ask “of which country?”


4)      Mayavati says that Uttar Pradesh Budget deficit is not due to expenditures on parks and statues.


You have a right to ask “is it due to your currency garlands and Jewellery”?

5)      When Kalmadi says India is ready for hosting Olympics under his leadership.  You can only say “We believe in you sir”.


6)      When Mamta Banerjee says that she is the railway minister for India not west Bengal. She is right; all train she declares goes to every part of country. It only starts at Howrah.



7)      When Lal Krishna Advani says that BJP will do everything for the Ram Mandir.  Ask him to say it again. May be for a change He may say the name of Lord Ram with honesty and purity at heart.


8)      When any political party says that they really want Woman reservation bill to pass. Actually they want woman everywhere except in parliament.



9)      When Manmohan Singh says that he is the Prime Minister. Dear sir, Let me rephrase the question. Who is the real prime minister then?


10)   When Rahul Gandhi says that Young leader like him should be given more powers.  He means that he is young at forty and he wants more power to shuffle cabinets and governers. Responsibilities can wait till he matures.


11)   When Bal Thackray says that he is Hindu Hriday Samrat (Ruler of Hindu hearts).  You can only say.. Good one sir!!



12)   When Karunanidhi says that he is going to retire. This means he is going to die. Plan for a family holiday because there will be a state sponsored bandh.

 
13)    When Sharad Pawar says that he has enough time to handle both cricket IPL and farmer suicides. What he means that farmer suicide being such a minor issue, it cant keep him occupied for whole time. He needs something else to think about.



14)   When health minister says that he is going to ban smoking and drinking. Don’t worry he is talking about movies only.


15)   When leader of opposition says that they want Parliament to function properly. He is talking about sessions when they talk about increasing their own salaries and perks.



16)    When home minister says that they can talk to Maoists to find a solution. Somebody ask him if he understands the problem.


17)   When a government says that they are going to form a committee to investigate something. You should be happy they have given employment to some retired judge for at least a decade.



18)   When a minister says that he is resigning on “moral grounds” after getting caught in a scam. He means that he still has morality to leave his post so that some another colleague of him can also earn.


19)   When defense minister accuses Pakistan for the attack/blast within 10 minutes of the incident. Ask him when he is going to submit proofs to  USA about the terror camps in Pakistan for the nth time .



20)   When Shelia Dixit says that Delhi is safe for woman under a woman chief minister. She means that she is trying to restrict rapes per hours to 10.


21)   Last but not the least: When Rabri devi says anything.. I mean anything.

A bihari wedding

 You should attend a wedding in Bihar if:
1)      You want to see how rich Biharis really are: Biharis spend money like anything on their marriages. Most of the times it the obscene amount of money they get as dowry. So it will be mostly groom’s side, spending money. It’s easy to explain those kinds of expenditures... Mercilessly earned... Mercilessly spent. If you think, Bihar is poor; Bihari Weddings will make you think again.


2)      You want to see the maximum amount of food a human can consume: One baraati can eat more than 10 normal people. People with such gigantic appetites are especially invited to the weddings. They are considered “Shaan ki Baat”. I am not talking about legends... I am an eyewitness of people eating more than 120 rasgullas in dinner. And it was not the only thing they had; they ate mutton, rice, curd, and other sweets along with those. Yeah, water was used only for washing hands post dinner, never for drinking. A warning : one dinner party can continue upto 4 hours..



3)      You want to literally see power flowing through barrel of gun: The might of baarat party is judged on following factors... How many  vehicles they came in, how many  guns they brought  and how many gun shots  they fired, how many cars had red light on them, is there any person among baaraties is an  MP/MLA or has at least contested any election, IAS/IPS among baarties carry extra points. Needless to say, invitations for attending the baarat are sent keeping these factors in mind.


4)      You want to see item numbers in real life: You must have seen Shilpa Shetty dancing on “Main aayee hoon, UP Bihar lootne”, or erstwhile Mananyata (Now Mrs Sanjay Dutt) dancing at “Alhad mast Jawani” in Movie Gangaajal. If you think that these item dances happens only in movies, here comes your eye-opener. In Western Bihar, those dances and dancers are integral part of any marriage. Marriages can’t be complete without those raunchy dance numbers. It is our own original version of hyped bachelor parties. Apart from those professional performers, you get to see dozens of amateur dancers around the lady performing. I am sure you have not seen those dance forms unless you come to Bihar. To name a few dance forms they are called “ Lungi Naach”,” Gamchha Dance”, “Naagin- Sapera Dance”.. In fact every amateur dancer you see displays a different dance form.


5)      You want to see alternate use of roads: 95% of marriages in Bihar happen on the road. Well literally... all Pandals are made on the road. Traffic is either diverted or stopped for wedding to happen. More powerful the family more space they occupy on the road for longer duration.


6)      You want to see wedding cards which carry more information than Resumes: In Bihar, Wedding invitations serve the purpose of not only inviting you to the wedding, they are also form of showing what they really are. Well, most of the cards will start with a really cheap poem. Here is an example :

फूल महकेंगे कलियाँ मुस्कुरायेगी, जब हमारी बिटिया दुल्हन बन जायेगी
आप के आने से,  हमारी शान और बढ़ जायेगी

 Next page will contain Groom’s name followed by names of all the degrees he has achieved, government posts he has worked for, and companies he has worked for.  E.g. groom’s name will typically read like this : yeah,  you can find detailed description of his father’s lifelong achievements also.

Here is an example:
आयुष्मान शांतनु कुमार सिंह ( बंटी बाबू )
( सोफ्टवेयर इंजिनियर , ऍम बी ऐ , ऍम सी ऐ , दिल्ली में कार्यरत )
प्रथम सुपुत्र : श्री भारतेंदु कुमार सिंह ( बड़े बाबू )
( अवकाश प्राप्त वरिष्ठ अधिकारी , भारत सरकार )

Most of the weddings cards will also carry a special request from some kid of the family.
Most likely it will read like this :
मेरे चाचा / मामा की  छादी में जलूल से जलूल आना  .. गोलू और पूजा




   Obviously, if the wedding card will carry so much information , there will hardly be any place for maps or guidelines telling you how to reach marriage venue. Don’t worry.. You can easily recognize the wedding venue.. If a marriage is happening within 10 kms radius, you can hear the sounds of half dozen generators that bark tirelessly so that there can be electricity. Also, needless to say, there will be electricity only in the house you are invited, thanks to the generators.

Why Ajmal Kasan should never be hanged

Each time I hear news about Kasab, I feel really jealous. Man... He is younger than me by at least 4 years (Based on age claimed by me and him!!) and I have not achieved even one fourth of what he has achieved. But I know that I am just another mortal as compared to the divine persona Kasab has. I have to live by this harsh reality, how little gifted I am, as compared by this guy. But I am surely capable enough to write a post to pay a tribute to the great soul Named Mohammed Ajmal Amīr Kasāb.


I can see your flaring nostrils, widening eyes and raised eyebrows while you read my first paragraph. But I will request you to read rest of my post before you decide whether I should be shot dead, hanged or injected with a poison injection for my writing.

Here are my reasons to believe why Kasab should not be hanged!!   Read on..

1)      Biggest celebrity: Arguably Kasab is the biggest Idol and Celebrity after Mahatma Gandhi. Do you know the name of lawyer who fought case for Mahatma Gandhi’s assassination against his murderers? I am sure you don’t!! But you must be knowing, who represented Kasab? You must have seen him on national TV, sharing screen with Salman Khan. You might have voted for him also on the show Bigg Boss.

 See... This guy has a Midas touch. Who so ever he touches, turns into solid gold? Leopold Café in Coloba has at least three times more visitors post 26/11, who just want a picture with walls with bullet marks. It is not only generating greater revenues for Leopold café but helping Mumbai tourism big way.

Are you still complaining about 50 odd people killed by his bullets? Man …Malaria kills 125,000 to 277,000 people every year. I never saw you complaining about that!!  Kasab is the guy who really showed what kind of bullet proof jackets our Mumbai Police wears. We now know... Instead of thanking Kasab for that, you want to send him to the gallows.  God..
                                              
You know the biggest reason why “Khelen hum jee jaan se (KHJJS)” flopped. No... It has very little to do with wooden expressions of Abhishek Bachchan and Deepika Padukone.  KHJJS simply flopped because no one really Knows Surya Sen. Had Ashutosh gowarikar made a movie on Kasab, named “Maarein hum sabko Jaan Se”, it would have become a bigger hit than Lagaan. Mr. Gowarikar.. Next time chose right idols for making a movie!!

2)       Best Dreamer to arrive at CST: Thousands of people get down daily at Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus  with dreams in their eyes to make it big. CST/ VT has witnessed crores of those dreamers who either got lost in the city and never came back, or went back home completely pauper with sore hearts. Well Kasab is not like the rest. He arrived at CST with a bang (literally) and left his mark for ever. Well no one better deserves the legendary description “he came he saw he conquered”. You can’t send such a great person to the rope. He is an idol for the youth.

3)      Biggest bait to save our people:  You have seen how capable our negotiators are while dealing with Hijackers and Terrorists. They always give an offer to them they never refuse. God forbid, if your near and dear ones are Hijacked or kept hostage tomorrow;  What will you offer to them, in return of their lives?  Money?? Ha ha ha.. They don’t need money for sure.. They get 100% of the billions of dollars,Uncle Sam sends  to Pakistan for “Fighting terrorism”. At those times, only a healthy, alive and happy Kasab will be able to save you. Better keep him happy and Alive. After all, we are the people believers of “ Athiti Devo Bhav”. He is our guest. Respect him.


4)      The great Economic Savior: You might still struggling to solve the great puzzle that why recession didn’t India that hard? Well many can attribute that to Manmohan Singh’s economic policies and other Blah Blah reasons. Well here is the Real reason. Kasab is the guy who saved us from that recession.

Remember the time of Kasab’s Arrival in India. 26/11/2008. Every day newspaper carried news of some American banks going bankrupt or some Big MNCs firing their employees. You were afraid about losing your jobs. Then Kasab lands in India. What happened next is history!! He created jobs all over India. News channels appointed special reporters to cover news on Kasab. Police force recruited unemployed youth as policemen to protect him. Unemployed doctors were hired to keep him in good health.   Architects, engineers, masons and laborers were hired to create special cell for him. Wherever he went, he created Jobs, Jobs and jobs.   He is still giving food for thoughts and causes for protests to many Political parties running out of ideas. Well, you will deprive all these people of their bread and butter, if Kasab is hanged.


 I am sure; our Government has kept these factors in mind, among many others, which my small brain is not capable to think about, while deciding not to hang Kasab. I think its High time we should think beyond politicians and Film actors to give Bharat Ratna. No one deserves “Bharat Ratna” more than Kasab. I am sure Indian government is thinking on similar lines.

Long live Kasab and God Bless!! As long as you are alive, Mumbai Municipality has reasons to spend crore of rupees it collects as tax from Mumbaikars. Making better drainage systems is such a bad idea to spend money as compared to you.


Like thousands of other Indians, I almost forgot to say.
Thank You Very Much.

Kampus Kouples Ki Kute Kahani

 This was sort of a small get together for some SCMHRDians at Yosha’s Wedding reception. We thoroughly enjoyed the reception with lots of food, friends, fun and some freaky jokes by Dear Hiru and Polo. What our batch mates talked about on a wedding?  You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to guess this one. We talked about couples in our MBA batch.

These days, Every time I refresh the browser in Facebook account, I see a new picture someone getting married or engaged!! It’s lovely to get such nice updates.It also reminds me of many types of couples, I happened to see during my MBA days. I have my observations based on my campus but it can be a story of any campus or co-ed school.  Human nature is essentially the same!!

Here are the different kinds of couples you see around in an MBA campus:

1) The “Spice” Couples: The name  “The Spice Couple”  has nothing much to do with Spices you use in your kitchen. They are called Spice couple because; if Plural of Mouse is Mice and plural of Louse is lice, Plural of Spouse Should be “ Spice”.  The only reason the Spice couple was not selected for movie the  “Ek Duje ke liye” is simply that they were not born at that time. This kind of  couple always remained together and had some amazing planning skills. They developed this skill discussing their family plans for future all the time. We batch mates realized their amazing Planning powers when they won couple of Business Plan competitions!!!  Family planning skills improvised for making business plans. We wish their Family plan also be a winner like their business plans!

2) The “Symbiosis” Couples: The name comes from the ‘symbiotic’ relationship these couples were in. They truly believed in “You-scratch-my-back-I-scratch-your”   theory.  No wonder they were often seen scratching each other’s.....well.. Not back exactly!!! These couples were often spotted in various “symbiotic” positions within and outside the campus like parking lots, swimming pool and E-square corner seats. These couples were also characterized by their simultaneous absence from the campus for their cousin's marriage respectively. Though when they returned, from their hometowns after attending their family functions respectively, surprisingly both had the same Goa tan on their skins!! Global warming .. u know.. !! every city can give you that Goa Tan!!    These were the couple who truly showed that love is eternal and cannot be destroyed.  It can only be transferred to other love partners. Many of them after leaving campus, have found other symbiotic partners at their new locations and are happy.

3) The “Take-my-trip.com” Couples:  Looking at these couples made be believe in the phrase “Love is blind” like never before. At least one of the members of the couple was in love for sure, because he/she was certainly blind to see/understand what other one was doing. Though everyone in the campus knew that who among the couple was being used as a “cash cow” and who was the “cow-owner”!!! The “cow” in the couple often presented the “Owner” class notes, free dinners, movie shows and birthday gifts. As in marketing strategy, “cash cows” were often killed for some other “star”!! That’s exactly Kotler taught us.. Right?  For more information on these couples you can log in to the URL http://www.take-my-trip.com. Many of them are still available for your trip!!

4) The “RAC” couples: First thing first... RAC stands for “Reservation against Cancellation (RAC)”.  It was Indian railways who introduced this RAC concept for reservations of berths in the trains, which were very popular.There were more people wanting to travel in the train than there were seats.  So railways started booking tickets against berths already booked, so that in case of confirmed passengers cancelling their tickets, RAC passengers could get the berth. This RAC methodology was meant for optimal use of resources. Well our RAC couple consisted of one “reserved” berth and one person trying for that berth. Benefits to the “reserved” berth was the constant attention and care, he/she got during tense MBA schedule. The other one had nothing but the hope. After all, Hope is a great thing.  Like Railways “RAC” passengers, the "passenger" in RAC couple also had two possible ends: either they ended up being in waitlist and never got confirmed or sometimes got confirmed when “Confirmed” passengers got seat somewhere else or got some bad feedback on the train and decided to cancel their reservation.

5) The “Elective” couple:  The people forming “the elective couple” were formed by the couple who took their MBA curriculum very seriously. The adopted the “elective” methodology for choosing their love partners. As curriculum electives, Partner electives were also chosen for one semester only. Each semester they chose different electives... I mean partners. Depending upon merit of the electives, the time devoted to each elective was proportionate to the “credits” of the elective. You can easily guess, these people chose many “Non-credit-electives” or even had some really short” workshops” too!!!
                                         I have crossed the acceptable word limit for this post. Depending upon the responses to this post, I will decide whether to write about other categories.  Enjoy..
© Shekhar Suman

Why I am disappointed at Bihar Election Results - 2010

When I reached office today morning and checked the news on internet;  I got the most depressing news ever. My nightmares became real.  Nitish Kumar won the Bihar election by more than what you call a land slide margin. God.. I have no words for People from Bihar. So I will borrow words from another Poet from Bihar Sri Ramdhari Singh Dinker saab.

In “Rashmirathi” he says:
“Jab Naash Manuj per Chhata hai, Pahle Vivek Mar jaata hai.”
Means: (A person doomed for destruction loses his power to think). I feel that’s exactly has happened to Bihari Junta who chose Nitish as their CM.

I am also from Bihar, so before starting any counter arguments, please read my reasons for why I think so.

1)      When I was growing up in Bihar during my Childhood, there was no electricity. So I used to see the clear dark sky above me with stars. I loved that sight. No electricity in Bihar has inspired many of us to get a job in NASA because no one knew stars better than them. And this Nitish Kumar wants electricity at every house. My god... I can’t see future NASA engineers watching TV and playing Video games while they should watch dark sky. This Nitish Kumar has even worse plans... he is creating Jobs in Bihar so that talented Biharis never go outside and work there. This is nothing but a big big conspiracy against us innocent Biharis.



2)      When I returned home from my engineering college, travelling 19 kms of distance took me 3 hours thanks to pot holes and mud on roads. The passion which I felt waiting for reaching home was something I never felt in my life. You can’t value the water unless you cross a desert. After reaching home travelling for 3 hours in a bus filled with my fellow countrymen was a great experience. Every organ in my body realized that they have reached their motherland thanks to that journey. But not now.. Now I reach Home in 15 mins thanks to this loser Nitish Kumar who has built a 4 lane road. Where is the time to build that urge and passion to meet my family and now I don’t feel anything different.  And more importantly what will the guys do who were running garages for fixing broken axles and fixing tyre punctures. They are out of job for at least next 5 years.




3)      Thomas alva Edison once said  “there is a great value in disaster; you can start all over again”. I saw it happening every year in Bihar. Floods destroyed everything in sight every year and we built everything all over  again. Those who talk about Mumbai Spirit should see our Spirit. Now our New CM wants to have measures to stop these floods!! Man what will happen to our spirits!! What will we do? And from where will I get those mosquitoes that came from the water rotting beside our homes. Those mosquitoes sang sweet Lories and lullaby for us. I can’t sleep without listening to their sweet humming!! No more will we have holy rivers like Ganges and Koshi which washed away our sins (and our belongings too), coming to our doorsteps every year.


4)      I hate Americans. They call everybody by their first name, even their elders. We in Bihar are much more civilized. We never called even our friends by name, forget elders. I called my friends Teliya, Dhobiya, Baniya,  Lala all symbolizing their castes. After all taking names is such an insult!!  Lalu ji taught us that it’s the surname not the name what is important. Even today being called a babhna (Brahmin) sound sweeter than being called Shekhar. But This Nitish kumar never talks about caste. This guy does not have even a surname. What can you expect if this guy remains in power? Get ready for your son calling you... hey Ram-Narayan!!!


5)     There used to be no classes in government schools in Bihar. I and my friends used to play hide and seek there. Now I see, Classes have started there, and they are teaching students. My God, where will they play Hide and Seek now??



6)      I happened to Attend Lalu ji’s daughter’s marriage at Patna. Man..It was a once in lifetime experience. Wow.. all the tasty food to be plundered!!  I was expecting to attend all 12 such grand feasts , Lalu ji would throw at his kid’s marriages. But that is not gonna happen. I don’t expect even a cup of tea from Nitish Kumar forget a grand buffet. And yes.. I challenge even prince Harry’s marriage cant match the  grandeur of Misa’s marriage.


7)     It's not only I who is devastated  by this news. Think of Mr. Prakash Jha!! From where will he get subjects for his films If there are no Apharans and Police atrocities in Bihar. Mr. Jha... try making horror films or at least comedies like Priyadarshan does.  No more topics for you from Bihar!!



8)      Tell me one thing.. Nitish Kumar wants to make Bihar like other states like Gujrat, Maharashtra and Kerala. Mr. CM.. What about Bihar’s Identity ?  Do you want the word” Bihari” to lose its present meaning and become like just a another word and Bihar Just another state. What about the special identity which Lalu ji gave us?  That has been our USP.



9)      People always talk about the disciplined and hardworking nature of Biharis. If you try to find out the roots of this nature, you will find it is related to our habits for attending our natural calls. We used to be awake early in the morning and go far away in the fields for our daily chores. We met people and socialized while going and returning from fields. It formed the basic structure for a happy society. Now Thanks to Nitish kumar gave everyone a toilet at his own house.   So no more waking up early and meeting all your fellow villagers!!! How can you expect a better society where people don’t even interact? One more thing.. People are wasting atleast 20 liters of water once they flush. Lalu Ji is a visionary. He made sure no one wastes more than a “Lota” of water on wasteful activities like washing our @$$. Water is precious!!



10)   Situations have become so hopeless that Lalu ji’s son and RamBilas paswan’s son have decided to leave their father’s profession and trying their lucks in different professions like Cricket and Films. Dear Lalu ji .. Don’t lose heart.. Even though you have lost support of even your sons, I am still with You. Rabri Devi always reminded me of Mother Mary, surrounded by a dozen kids and giving her love to everyone.


11)   I always felt that Cricket is like a plague who takes so much of our working time. Thanks to Lalu Ji we never had electricity to watch matches. It always saved our time. He did not build any stadiums or other facilities so that no youth gets distracted and wastes his time on cricket or any other games. Have you ever seen a Bihari representing India in cricket or any other sports?  But looks like This Nitish Kumar is going to destroy this great tradition too. He will build sports facilities and stadiums. He is definitely going to end the USP we have being the only state in India where no international matches happen. OMG.. Are we going to see an IPL Patna team sponsored by some Litti-Chokha Company?


12)   Last but not the least : I have heard a great person always enjoy what he does. Lalu ji always enjoyed ruling Bihar. This was evident from the way he celebrated Holi and joked about his opponents.  That smile on his face while he played the Dhol and all ministers and MLA dancing like monkeys around a Madari was like a signature scene of Bihar celebrating Holi. His better half was even better. The way she kept fast for Chhath and celebrated Chhath leaving all her jobs at CM office was commendable. Everything can wait but not the devotion and religion. Rabri devi was like a idol for all women from Bihar villages. They learnt not only how to celebrate Chhath but also how to deal with their nemesis. Rabri Devi is like an Avatar of Durga who is not afraid of those who dared to harm her. She called Sunder singh Bhandari, a Landga Buddha ( a lame crippled oldie) and Nitish, a Chorwa ( a petty thief).  This Nitish Kumar has deprived us the opportunity for letting us see those grand Holi and Chhath  celebrations for atleast next 5 years.
 
             Once Gurudev Ravindra Nath Tagore wrote about real democracy : “Where mind is without fear and head is held High”. Lalu ji gave this line a real meaning. Everyone in Bihar could become Fearless or Dabangg by paying a portion of their income to a Rangbaaz near to you. (That’s not a big price to pay for living like Salman khan of movie Dabangg!!). Now that real democracy is gone!!!  And yes.. Bihari Bhai logon.. get ready for paying for your railway travels. There is no Lalu ji who gave you that mantra “ Aana free.. jaana free.. Pakde gaye to Khana Free”..


Waiting for 2015 elections.
A Lalu ji fan.

© Shekhar Suman

An open letter to Pamela Anderson

Dear Pamela Aunty!!!
                                                So you are in INDIA! Welcome. Welcome to India. Ohh my God. I can’t believe you are in India. I am fumbling for words..Okay  okay.. Let me start by saying I am your biggest fan. I know there are at least 50 crore males in India claiming the             same. But ma’am I am different. I simply adore you. Just read the rest of my letter to believe what   I am saying is 100% truth, nothing less.

1)      Ma’am, I was not a bad student. In fact I topped the National Talent Search Examination (NTSE) while I was in STD 8th. Government of India awarded me the scholarship. You know what I did with the first installment of that scholarship? I bought a Playboy magazine with your centre-spread pictures. I still have that Playboy copy with me as one of my most prized possession. Can you please give me an autograph on that magazine?

2)      Aunty.. You have always been my hero. In fact I never went for my swimming classes because I always fantasized myself drowning in the sea. You coming in your red beach bikini and saving me. Best part was the Kiss-of-life you would give to me. That dream is still alive and kicking.

3)      Ma'am, I struggled to pass my basic financial accounting paper. Thanks to my continued obsession with you, I thought that “The Assets” will always be bigger than anything else, liabilities is just one of them. That oldie accounting teacher deducted my marks saying you should study GAAP carefully. Ma’am, is there any Gap worth reading or watching except the gap each of your dress show so generously?

4)      Aunty... You are nothing less than God to many people who earn their bread and butter because of you. One example is the cybercafé wala in my colony. 80% of his earnings is due to people who goggle and goggle those 10 million pages you have on internet. Though it’s a shame, despite being your biggest fan I have only seen 1 million of them. Sorry aunty, My Company has blocked your pages.

5)      Aunty...  I am also a big movie buff; I think I have an idea to make a movie that can earn more than Avatar. I have a script ready. I have thought of casting Superstar Rajni sir opposite you. I always thought you never got any worthy co-star opposite you. The worst day of my life was when I saw you in the movie opposite that doggy Tommy. How can that loser get that lucky? As a matter of protest, I never called my dog by his name Tommy again.

6)      In this age of piracy, forget CD and DVD, there are pirates who try to copy you. The cheapsters like Rakhi Sawant and Mallika Sheravat, can fool anybody but not your biggest fan. I always knew that original was the best. In Hindi we call” Bander kya jaane Adrak ka Swad”.


Ma’am what are you doing with those bunch of losers in that house? Money?? Ma’am I can assure you that each of your Baywatch bikini will fetch you more money that any channel will ever pay you. Just try an auction for them in India.

I don’t have a TV at my place and internet is too slow to watch your bigg boss on YouTube. But I am sure; you must be rocking in whatever you are doing on TV. Assuming a 50% male-female ratio, rest assured for a standing ovation ( no pun intended!!) from 50 crore of Indian males watching you on TV. What about ladies?? Many of them are busy searching for your doctor’s number.

Welcome to India once again.
Yours biggest fan.
 

© Shekhar Suman

You dont need a lie detector test when a Patna wala says

:

 A Patna wala is NOT bluffing when he says that:

1)      He is going to see Mona, Veena and Apsara in a single day. He is not talking about any foreign girl, or Indian lady or some damsel from Eden; these are Cinema halls at Patna.

2)      He is going to Catch 11 AM Rajdhani Express to Delhi by leaving from home at 3 PM. He knows more about train timings than Indian Railways.

3)      He can get you all engineering, medical or UPSC entrance exams material at a price one tenth of their original value. May be you are talking to a guy from GMP (Gandhi Maidan Publications).

4)      He is a close relative of a cabinet minister, state minister or for the least an IAS officer.

5)      He has a son who is preparing for the medical entrance exam for last 12 years after completing his +2. Don’t be surprised if he says his brother is still preparing for Bank PO, railways, UDC, LDC and BPSC for last 2 decades.

6)      Only theatre where you can easily get tickets is the one running SRK starrer My Name Is Khan. Rest of the halls are booked over-capacity as they are running Ravi Kissen’s Bhojpuri movie  “Pandit Ji, Batayee na Biyah Kab hoyee” ( Subtitles : Pandit ji.. Please tell, when will I get married?)

7)      He can get you the same Kalashnikov which Osama is seen carrying with so much pride in each of his videos. And for this you won’t get into any troubles like other lesser mortals (read Sanjay Dutt).

8)      Chhath is a bigger festival than Deewali or Navratra.

9)      He knows that Neetu Chandra and Shatrughan Sinha are from Bihar but he is not very sure where Emperor Ashoka, Lord Budha and Bhagwan Mahavir belonged to.

10)   Night Life for him means a night show at a theatre and coming home walking on foot.

11)   He has seen Mamta Kulkarni dancing not only at silver screen but at his own flat.

12)   He went to his college only thrice. First for taking admissions, second for getting his admit card and last time for results. Rest of the time there was some strike.

13)   MasterCard’s Slogan “There are some things money can't buy” is false. It can buy you everything right from your degree, your Job, your spouse. You name it Dude!!

14) He can tell you which shop at Patna railway station sells best " Littee - Chokha" but he is not very sure where the ticket counter is. Please dont lose your mind if he says that he did not know that there is a ticket called platform ticket.

15)   Last but not the Least: Bihar is changing for good and there is nothing that can stop us except ourselves. Ek bihari.. Sab per Bhaari :)

© Shekhar Suman