Dear Pamela Aunty!!!
1) Ma’am, I was not a bad student. In fact I topped the National Talent Search Examination (NTSE) while I was in STD 8th. Government of India awarded me the scholarship. You know what I did with the first installment of that scholarship? I bought a Playboy magazine with your centre-spread pictures. I still have that Playboy copy with me as one of my most prized possession. Can you please give me an autograph on that magazine?
2) Aunty.. You have always been my hero. In fact I never went for my swimming classes because I always fantasized myself drowning in the sea. You coming in your red beach bikini and saving me. Best part was the Kiss-of-life you would give to me. That dream is still alive and kicking.
3) Ma'am, I struggled to pass my basic financial accounting paper. Thanks to my continued obsession with you, I thought that “The Assets” will always be bigger than anything else, liabilities is just one of them. That oldie accounting teacher deducted my marks saying you should study GAAP carefully. Ma’am, is there any Gap worth reading or watching except the gap each of your dress show so generously?
4) Aunty... You are nothing less than God to many people who earn their bread and butter because of you. One example is the cybercafé wala in my colony. 80% of his earnings is due to people who goggle and goggle those 10 million pages you have on internet. Though it’s a shame, despite being your biggest fan I have only seen 1 million of them. Sorry aunty, My Company has blocked your pages.
5) Aunty... I am also a big movie buff; I think I have an idea to make a movie that can earn more than Avatar. I have a script ready. I have thought of casting Superstar Rajni sir opposite you. I always thought you never got any worthy co-star opposite you. The worst day of my life was when I saw you in the movie opposite that doggy Tommy. How can that loser get that lucky? As a matter of protest, I never called my dog by his name Tommy again.
6) In this age of piracy, forget CD and DVD, there are pirates who try to copy you. The cheapsters like Rakhi Sawant and Mallika Sheravat, can fool anybody but not your biggest fan. I always knew that original was the best. In Hindi we call” Bander kya jaane Adrak ka Swad”.
Ma’am what are you doing with those bunch of losers in that house? Money?? Ma’am I can assure you that each of your Baywatch bikini will fetch you more money that any channel will ever pay you. Just try an auction for them in India.
I don’t have a TV at my place and internet is too slow to watch your bigg boss on YouTube. But I am sure; you must be rocking in whatever you are doing on TV. Assuming a 50% male-female ratio, rest assured for a standing ovation ( no pun intended!!) from 50 crore of Indian males watching you on TV. What about ladies?? Many of them are busy searching for your doctor’s number.
Welcome to India once again.
Yours biggest fan.
© Shekhar Suman
1) Ma’am, I was not a bad student. In fact I topped the National Talent Search Examination (NTSE) while I was in STD 8th. Government of India awarded me the scholarship. You know what I did with the first installment of that scholarship? I bought a Playboy magazine with your centre-spread pictures. I still have that Playboy copy with me as one of my most prized possession. Can you please give me an autograph on that magazine?
2) Aunty.. You have always been my hero. In fact I never went for my swimming classes because I always fantasized myself drowning in the sea. You coming in your red beach bikini and saving me. Best part was the Kiss-of-life you would give to me. That dream is still alive and kicking.
3) Ma'am, I struggled to pass my basic financial accounting paper. Thanks to my continued obsession with you, I thought that “The Assets” will always be bigger than anything else, liabilities is just one of them. That oldie accounting teacher deducted my marks saying you should study GAAP carefully. Ma’am, is there any Gap worth reading or watching except the gap each of your dress show so generously?
4) Aunty... You are nothing less than God to many people who earn their bread and butter because of you. One example is the cybercafé wala in my colony. 80% of his earnings is due to people who goggle and goggle those 10 million pages you have on internet. Though it’s a shame, despite being your biggest fan I have only seen 1 million of them. Sorry aunty, My Company has blocked your pages.
5) Aunty... I am also a big movie buff; I think I have an idea to make a movie that can earn more than Avatar. I have a script ready. I have thought of casting Superstar Rajni sir opposite you. I always thought you never got any worthy co-star opposite you. The worst day of my life was when I saw you in the movie opposite that doggy Tommy. How can that loser get that lucky? As a matter of protest, I never called my dog by his name Tommy again.
6) In this age of piracy, forget CD and DVD, there are pirates who try to copy you. The cheapsters like Rakhi Sawant and Mallika Sheravat, can fool anybody but not your biggest fan. I always knew that original was the best. In Hindi we call” Bander kya jaane Adrak ka Swad”.
Ma’am what are you doing with those bunch of losers in that house? Money?? Ma’am I can assure you that each of your Baywatch bikini will fetch you more money that any channel will ever pay you. Just try an auction for them in India.
I don’t have a TV at my place and internet is too slow to watch your bigg boss on YouTube. But I am sure; you must be rocking in whatever you are doing on TV. Assuming a 50% male-female ratio, rest assured for a standing ovation ( no pun intended!!) from 50 crore of Indian males watching you on TV. What about ladies?? Many of them are busy searching for your doctor’s number.
Welcome to India once again.
Yours biggest fan.
© Shekhar Suman
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