Tables have turned for sure. Thanks to Barrack ‘HELP USA’ Obama’s
Visit to India, you might see more and more Americans coming to India
for their onsite assignments. In India, you can escape everything but
not cricket and cricket talks. What else will you talk about to a person
sitting next to you to befriend him, if you don’t understand Indian
cricket and don’t have knowledge about its history and trivia. Here is a
guide for such a foreigner in form of a short list of things to know
about Indian cricket to get started with.
1) Indian Batsman is different from the Batman you read in your comics’ books. Unlike your Batman, Indian batsman is afraid of anything fast, does not wear a mask and is hell afraid of Jokers. Those jokers are also called selectors here.
2) IPL is a concept conceived by a person who truly believed in Phrase “Work hard... Party Harder”.
3) Power is also spelt as Powar in India.
4) Don’t get disappointed if you don’t see any Eves and Adams in Eden garden and no grass at a place called Green Park.
5) Name Knight Riders has nothing to do with the fact that even a school cricket team can take them for a Ride.
6) King's Eleven Punjab Players actually play for a Queen.
7) Rajasthan Royals have no Rajasthani player in their team.
8) No... Kevin Pollard is not Indian just because he plays for Mumbai Indians.
9) If your mobile phone/laptop is discharged, don’t call any Deccan Charger player. He does not necessarily carry a charger with him.
10) The short story behind how Royal challenger Banglore Team owner got his surname is this: Whenever anybody asked him... Kya bhai Maal hai? Invariably he answered “Yeah”. So his name is Maal-Yeah.
11) It’s just a coincidence that “Bedi” word is associated with something unwanted, irritating and totally not required in cricket. Mandira Bedi, Angad bedi and Bishan singh bedi are mere coincidence.
12) IF a player is bad at field, everything is not lost for him. He is a cricket expert at a news channel studio. Just switch to Aaj tak channel. There u will see Saba Karim telling you what’s actually wrong with Sachin’s footwork and how he should bat.
13) IF you are unmarried and looking for an Indian bride, Match fixers are not the people to contact. They can’t fix a match for you. Go help yourself. And please... don’t ask for books from a bookie. He is not a bookseller.
14) Sreesanth is the biggest follower of Gandhi in India. He was not crying because Bhajji slapped him. He was crying because Bhajji didn’t oblige when he offered his second cheek to be slapped.
15) If you have complaints about length of cricket match, Watch it on Doordarshan. Cricket match is 33% shorter there as they show only 4 balls per over.
16) We Indians are not against the use of technology in cricket. In fact we are the pioneers in it. We have supercomputers installed in our dressing rooms which can form a strategy during 150 seconds of the strategy breaks.
17) Please don’t suspect anything about Shahrukh khan when you see him kissing and hugging his team players. He is simply boosting their morals. Shahrukh is not cheating on someone for sure.
18) Foreign players when come to India; love everything from Indian food, Indian cities and Indian girls. But they simply hate Indian movies esp. Sholey. They dont want to see a person called Viru shouting “ Saale.. chun chun ke maarunga... chun chun ke maarungaa”. One Viru facing them on field is enough for them.
19) Last but not the least: If you thought only Salman can create mass hysteria by showing his six pack abs and ripping his shirt apart, you have not seen Dada doing it. He can create much more magic than Salman with his abs which are more apt to be called “Family Pack” not six pack.
You need to read this guide carefully to understand Indian cricket well, otherwise you will end up like Andrew Symonds. Poor guy thought that being called a “monkey” is worse than being called “teri Maa ki”... ha ha ha :)
© Shekhar Suman
1) Indian Batsman is different from the Batman you read in your comics’ books. Unlike your Batman, Indian batsman is afraid of anything fast, does not wear a mask and is hell afraid of Jokers. Those jokers are also called selectors here.
2) IPL is a concept conceived by a person who truly believed in Phrase “Work hard... Party Harder”.
3) Power is also spelt as Powar in India.
4) Don’t get disappointed if you don’t see any Eves and Adams in Eden garden and no grass at a place called Green Park.
5) Name Knight Riders has nothing to do with the fact that even a school cricket team can take them for a Ride.
6) King's Eleven Punjab Players actually play for a Queen.
7) Rajasthan Royals have no Rajasthani player in their team.
8) No... Kevin Pollard is not Indian just because he plays for Mumbai Indians.
9) If your mobile phone/laptop is discharged, don’t call any Deccan Charger player. He does not necessarily carry a charger with him.
10) The short story behind how Royal challenger Banglore Team owner got his surname is this: Whenever anybody asked him... Kya bhai Maal hai? Invariably he answered “Yeah”. So his name is Maal-Yeah.
11) It’s just a coincidence that “Bedi” word is associated with something unwanted, irritating and totally not required in cricket. Mandira Bedi, Angad bedi and Bishan singh bedi are mere coincidence.
12) IF a player is bad at field, everything is not lost for him. He is a cricket expert at a news channel studio. Just switch to Aaj tak channel. There u will see Saba Karim telling you what’s actually wrong with Sachin’s footwork and how he should bat.
13) IF you are unmarried and looking for an Indian bride, Match fixers are not the people to contact. They can’t fix a match for you. Go help yourself. And please... don’t ask for books from a bookie. He is not a bookseller.
14) Sreesanth is the biggest follower of Gandhi in India. He was not crying because Bhajji slapped him. He was crying because Bhajji didn’t oblige when he offered his second cheek to be slapped.
15) If you have complaints about length of cricket match, Watch it on Doordarshan. Cricket match is 33% shorter there as they show only 4 balls per over.
16) We Indians are not against the use of technology in cricket. In fact we are the pioneers in it. We have supercomputers installed in our dressing rooms which can form a strategy during 150 seconds of the strategy breaks.
17) Please don’t suspect anything about Shahrukh khan when you see him kissing and hugging his team players. He is simply boosting their morals. Shahrukh is not cheating on someone for sure.
18) Foreign players when come to India; love everything from Indian food, Indian cities and Indian girls. But they simply hate Indian movies esp. Sholey. They dont want to see a person called Viru shouting “ Saale.. chun chun ke maarunga... chun chun ke maarungaa”. One Viru facing them on field is enough for them.
19) Last but not the least: If you thought only Salman can create mass hysteria by showing his six pack abs and ripping his shirt apart, you have not seen Dada doing it. He can create much more magic than Salman with his abs which are more apt to be called “Family Pack” not six pack.
You need to read this guide carefully to understand Indian cricket well, otherwise you will end up like Andrew Symonds. Poor guy thought that being called a “monkey” is worse than being called “teri Maa ki”... ha ha ha :)
© Shekhar Suman
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