Think twice before making following resolutions for the New Year...
1) I will not drink Beer and Rum. : Ha ha ha .. Most short-lived resolution ever. You will break this resolution on January 1st only. After all how can you even celebrate without having 3 mugs of beer and 8 Patialas of rum with coke and rest of them neat. You can’t sip lime soda on New Year eve like some pansy boy. You are a man dude... It’s time to show that with the New Year you have arrived too!! Gals... Don’t try to copy such macho men. Unlike boys, drunken girls become very attractive asset to many people around. I am sure you don’t want surprises like waking up in some strangers bedroom or car’s backseat with your wardrobe rearranged , on New Year’s Eve.
2) I am single... I won’t talk about having a GF/BF again: Well... Again a short lived resolution. Since you have already broken your first resolution and your are drunk. What else will you talk about.. Rather shout about or still worse... cry about. Why that prick/Bitch betrayed you? What did he/she saw in that aunty/fat ass? Is money everything? Is there anything called love? Why me? All these questions will haunt you. Relax... order another pitcher of beer and try to find your answers with ease. Hey waiter... 2 large signatures with sprite too...
3) Enough of Face book... No more time wasting on Face book: This resolution will last a little longer than earlier two. But it will break too. Now you are single and again started taking beer, then Face book come with some new F@#$ing application “ who among your friends secretly loves you?” or “ who among your friends is waiting for your call? “ .. Well you can do really little to prevent yourself from trying that application. Hope and curiosity are among greatest things we have... who knows FB might be right for a change and you can get a new partner in a new year. I donno about the fate of those applications, but I know one thing.. You have broken your third resolution.
4) Movies .. They suck... No more movies: well you have started drinking and you are still single as face book is not helping you much. What will you do in your empty time? This is time to break your fourth resolution about not watching movies. You find yourself standing in front of the box office to watch what actually happened to “Sheila ki Jawani”. Also back home you have 10 movies on download, 5 with stories and 5 otherwise. You come out of the theatre swearing Farah Khan and Sirish Kunder robbing you of Rs 250 for tickets and 180 for pop corn and shown you such a crap movie. Well... you can’t blame them fully... They duly told you... Sheila ki jawani.. tere haath na aani .. :) but you did not listen. You were busy watching some simple harmonic motion demonstrations of Katrina’s Torso and shaking thunder thighs. Whatever be the case, your fourth resolution is gone.
5) I will lose weight; At least I am going to control it: Dude... You have done enough by breaking your earlier resolutions. So you don’t have to do anything extra to break this resolution. Let me clarify... You are boozing... spending long hours at facebook and movies, munching popcorns and colas. You are still expecting to control your ever increasing waist diameter!!! Here is the news: you are gaining 8 kgs and 2 inches per month,. Those love handles are more like Folds on a rhino skin now. Had you made resolution like... i won’t check my weight... it would have lasted longer. But let us face it... You have broken your fifth resolution.
6) I will start morning walks and go to the gym: Really a tough resolution for a beer bellied, single, movie maniac, overweight junk eater. Since you already bought a gym’s subscription, you go there. And you see some attractive female working out there in a skin tight costume. You started to visit gym regularly in the hope to get a new love partner. But this happy phase is also short-lived. One fine morning, you found out, one of the following: lady has a boyfriend, she already has a kid and she is working out to avoid post pregnancy weight gain or still worse she decided to change her gym. You are again back to your old friends Beers and Cheers... Gym can wait till next year resolution. FYI: Your 6th resolution is broken.
7) I will concentrate on my career and work hard at office: The last of your resolution. You go to your office on 6th Jan after a long New Year celebration. All charged up to start a fresh. But your enthusiasm is again short-lived. Again you are surrounded by same status calls, same sales targets, same tickets, same excel sheets. same manager, same desktop, same office and for the worst the same salary. You start to wonder why it is called a new year when everything is the same and f@$@ing old? You decide to go back to your shell and work just enough to survive in your company. And here goes the 7th resolution.
I don’t mean to discourage you from making new resolutions. You can still make your resolutions count. You can do it dude. Go ahead... Make your new resolutions. Want suggestions? Here is one from me “Resolution no 1: I will not make any resolutions again.” Well you will break this resolution when next New Year comes. But at least it will last for a year.
Happy Merry Christmas and New Year to all :) Love ya..
© Shekhar Suman
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