Showing posts with label new year. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new year. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

I wish that in year 2011

I wish that  in 2011:


1)      Delhi becomes safer for woman, holds bigger events than CWG without scams, become even greener and double its number of flyovers.

2)       Mumbai has no terror attacks, no floods, no riots, lesser rush in local train, tastier vada-pavs, soaring sensex, dipping real estate prices, more glamour, more blockbusters, and no attacks on north Indians.


3)      Kolkata gets a better government (not necessarily different). I know grass (Trin-mool) is always greener on the other side. I wish West Bengal a peaceful election. No more Singurs and Nandigrams in 2011 and ever.

4)      My alma mater SCMHRD gets higher rankings , better placements,  more FCQs, no food poisonings, better knowledge, smarter boys, more beautiful girls in next batch, more posts on “ I have 27 and half couples”, more victories in national international events, biggest NEEV , a SCMHRDian Augustus winner and all success.


5)      More and more my friends become couples and get married. I won’t mind Facebook getting crashed by being overloaded by their engagement, marriage and honeymoon pics.

6)      My single friends need not sing “aur kisi ki Mujhe jaroorat kya, main to khud se pyar jataaun!!” I don’t mind their habit of loving themselves, but somebody else loving you is better and natural.


7)      We have no additions to the list of Kalmidis, Rajas, Radias, Sukhrams and Telgis.

8)      My Bihar and Nitish Kumar continue to work for the fast paced growth and development of Bihar. I also wish Rabri Devi a happy time in her kitchen, a place where she really belongs to. She was definitely suffering more in CM office, than people were suffering in her rule or absence of it.


9)      Akshay kumar does a pure action movie. The role which only he can do and he learns the difference between a comedy and crap.

10)   Karan Johar and Rahul Gandhi get married. Not to each other, but with separate girls.


11)   Sachin hits a century in world cup final match at Wankhede Stadium, Mumbai and he become Man of the Match in world cup final victory. Only thing missing from his book of records.

12)   India beats Pakistan in cricket world cup yet again.


13)   Last but not the least: I continue to write these crap notes and you continue to enjoy my notes. And few other things I am working on see the light of the day. Wish God gives me sufficient time, Sense of Humor and peace of mind to continue entertaining you.
For all Those whom I didn’t mention above, I wish best of health, Joy, Love, and  life.

A very very happy new year to you all. love ya all :)

Some honest New year wishes for People NOT your friends!!!

 On New Year everyone wished each one a happy new year. How untrue are those wishes!!!  I am sure you don’t want everyone to have a really happy new year. You want few people around you to have a pathetic, rotten, stinking, horrible new year.

 They may be anyone like your cruel boss, your ex girl friends who dumped you ( Okay let’s call her a bitch!!!), your ex boy friend who was using you as his backup till he found a new chick, or your former friend who took your money and never returned them..

Whatever be the case.. You don’t want these people to have a Happy and prosperous new year  ..
Well ..Here are some new year wishes for these people .. These reflect the  real feelings you want to convey .. But as you are a stylish person.. how can you wish anybody without displaying some style.. Let us do it in pure Bollywood style..

1)       Naye saal mein teri shaadi ho ho rahi ho hai.. Bhagwan kare teri saas Lalita Pawar jaisi dusht ho..

2)      Bhagwan kare teri saalian / nanad Tuntun aur Guddi maruti jaise hon.


3)      Tere saale, dewar, aur  sasur Keshto mukherjee jaise bewede hon.

4)      Teri shaadi ka plan “ RGV ki aag “ se badi flop ho..


5)      Teri biwi ka Emraan hashmi type Ex boyfriend ho..

6)      Tuje naye saal mein Mahesh Bhatt type Khujli ho jaaye.. Aur tu Guzarish ke Hritik ki tarah baitha rahe, per khuja naa paaye!!


7)      Teri Beti Rakhi Sawant type item number karke paise kamaye, aur phir saare paise doctor ko de aaye..

8)      Teri naak Koyna Mitra jaisi ho jaaye..
 

9)      Teri biwi Kangna ranout type psycho nikle..

10)   Tera hone wala husband Ranjeet se bhi bada rapist ho..


11)   Teri maa ko Nirupa Roy wali khaasi ho jaaye, jo kabhi na chhoote.

12)   Tujhe teri girlfriend waise hi chhod de jaise Shahid Kapoor ko Kareena ne chhoda .. Uske baad woh tere baap ke umar ke aadmi ya tere baap ki girl friend ban jaaye.


13)   Tu khud Munni ki tarah badnaam ho jaaye aur tu Manoj kumar type moonh chhupaata phire..

14)   Tere baal Himesh reshmaiya type gir jaayein.. Tu Anupam Kher type dikhe..


15)   Tujhe “Teri Meharbaaniyaan”  ke remake mein kutte ka role offer ho!!


16)   Teri bahan ko “Gunda”  ke remake mein  Bulla ki bahan ka role mile.


17)   Tera beta Bobby deol, Uday chopra aur Tushar Kapoor se bhi bada nikamma nikle..

18)   Tujhe naye saal mein sunny deol type hand pump ukhadne ka kaam mile.


19)   Thakur ke tarah tere haath kat jaayein.. Aur tujhe tab loose motion ho jaaye jab tera Ram Lal chhutti per gaya hua ho.

20)   Tera beta Pritam aur Anu Malik ke bada chor kahlaaye.


21)   Last but not the least :  Tujhe apne budhaape tak apne bete ka kharch chalana pade , jaise bachchan saab chala rahe hain!!


© Shekhar Suman .. But you can use it for taking out your own frustration!!!

Think twice before making these 7 New Year Resolutions - 2011 Post



Think twice before making following resolutions for the New Year...

1)      I will not drink Beer and Rum. : Ha ha ha .. Most short-lived resolution ever. You will break this resolution on January 1st only. After all how can you even celebrate without having 3 mugs of beer and 8 Patialas of rum with coke and rest of them neat. You can’t sip lime soda on New Year eve like some pansy boy. You are a man dude... It’s time to show that with the New Year you have arrived too!! Gals... Don’t try to copy such macho men. Unlike boys, drunken girls become very attractive asset to many people around. I am sure you don’t want surprises like waking up in some strangers bedroom or car’s backseat with your wardrobe rearranged , on New Year’s Eve.

2)       I am single... I won’t talk about having a GF/BF again:   Well... Again a short lived resolution. Since you have already broken your first resolution and your are drunk. What else will you talk about.. Rather shout about or still worse... cry about.  Why that prick/Bitch betrayed you?  What did he/she saw in that aunty/fat ass? Is money everything? Is there anything called love? Why me? All these questions will haunt you. Relax... order another pitcher of beer and try to find your answers with ease. Hey waiter... 2 large signatures with sprite too... 


3)      Enough of Face book... No more time wasting on Face book: This resolution will last a little longer than earlier two. But it will break too. Now you are single and again started taking beer, then Face book come with some new F@#$ing application “ who among your friends secretly loves you?” or “ who among your friends is waiting for your call? “ .. Well you can do really little to prevent yourself from trying that application. Hope and curiosity are among greatest  things we have... who knows FB might be right for a change and you can get a new partner in a new year. I donno about the fate of those applications, but I know one thing.. You have broken your third resolution.

4)      Movies .. They suck... No more movies:  well you have started drinking and you are still single as face book is not helping you much. What will you do in your empty time? This is time to break your fourth resolution about not watching movies. You find yourself standing in front of the box office to watch what actually happened to “Sheila ki Jawani”. Also back home you have 10 movies on download, 5 with stories and 5 otherwise. You come out of the theatre swearing Farah Khan and Sirish Kunder robbing you of Rs 250 for tickets and 180 for pop corn and shown you such a crap movie. Well... you can’t blame them fully... They duly told you... Sheila ki jawani.. tere haath na aani .. :)  but you did not listen. You were busy watching some simple harmonic motion demonstrations of Katrina’s Torso and shaking thunder thighs.  Whatever be the case, your fourth resolution is gone.


5)      I will lose weight; At least I am going to control it: Dude... You have done enough by breaking your earlier resolutions. So you don’t have to do anything extra to break this resolution.  Let me clarify... You are boozing... spending long hours at facebook and movies, munching popcorns and colas. You are still expecting to control your ever increasing waist diameter!!!  Here is the  news: you are gaining 8 kgs and 2 inches per month,. Those love handles are more like Folds on a rhino skin now. Had you made resolution like... i won’t check my weight... it would have lasted longer. But let us face it... You have broken your fifth resolution.

6)      I will start morning walks and go to the gym:  Really a tough resolution for a beer bellied, single, movie maniac, overweight junk eater. Since you already bought a gym’s subscription, you go there. And you see some attractive female working out there in a skin tight costume. You started to visit gym regularly in the hope to get a new love partner. But this happy phase is also short-lived. One fine morning, you found out, one of the following: lady has a boyfriend, she already has a kid and she is working out to avoid post pregnancy weight gain or still worse she decided to change her gym. You are again back to your old friends Beers and Cheers... Gym can wait till next year resolution.  FYI: Your 6th resolution is broken.


7)      I will concentrate on my career and work hard at office:  The last of your resolution. You go to your office on 6th Jan after a long New Year celebration. All charged up to start a fresh. But your enthusiasm is again short-lived. Again you are surrounded by same status calls, same sales targets, same tickets, same excel sheets. same manager, same desktop, same office and for the worst the same salary. You start to wonder why it is called a new year when everything is the  same and f@$@ing old? You decide to go back to your shell and work just enough to survive in your company. And here goes the 7th resolution.

I don’t mean to discourage you from making new resolutions. You can still make your resolutions count. You can do it dude. Go ahead... Make your new resolutions. Want suggestions? Here is one from me “Resolution no 1: I will not make any resolutions again.” Well you will break this resolution when next New Year comes. But at least it will last for a year.

Happy Merry Christmas and New Year to all :)  Love ya..
© Shekhar Suman