Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Career Counselling for Reality Shows

So your world is crashing all around you.. Your son or daughter is no longer ready to listen to you. Since the day he/she was born; you saw him/her as a future doctor, engineer, rocket scientist or at least a fighter pilot. But now all those dreams are a matter of the past. You have to accept what younger generation demands. After all that is the thumb rule; genNXT never listens to genPREV. Remember your time when your dad wanted you to prepare for Bank PO exams, and you insisted on becoming an engineer. You and your friends also did your MBA against their will. What you and your friends are doing now? Selling shampoos to Tribals in Jharkhand, selling detergents to Maoists in Chhattisgarh, conducting those HR games sessions which they hated the most, working till 3 AM on excel sheets (Call center guys works till midnight only) and still worse, working in an IT company and writing notes on FB..

But, let bygones be bygones. Let us concentrate on the situation in hand. Your son/daughter is hell bent on joining some reality show on TV. Now as a responsible and sensible guardian, you ought to support their decision. But there is something you can still do!! You can suggest them which show they should join so that their capabilities are utilized and well groomed so that they become successful in whatever they are doing and make you proud!!
Here is a guide to help you guide your kids choose their best fit reality show.

1) You gifted him a handy cam on his sixth birthday. And that’s the day you lost him. He wanted to do everything on camera. He started by shooting himself while he was bathing. He even showed it to you. He shooted his first kiss. Even when he sleeps, he keeps the camera on. He wants to always stay with a bunch of hopeless loser friends who all have either featured in an MMS, or have been a dacoit or even become friends with terrorists. Still worse, when some guests came to your place last Deewali, he nominated you to go out of your room to accommodate them, but he didn’t leave the house.

There is a selfless organization that runs a special reality show for such troubled souls. It is called BIGG BOSS. Send your son there. Who knows he might return with one crore or even a daughter-in-law for you.


2) Is your daughter a lousy cook? Does she invariably cook food that is not edible to say the least? Apart from having such extraordinary culinary skills, is she also a drama queen?. I mean does she start crying loud when you refuse to eat or even say that she could improve. She cries while everyone is crying due to the food she served.

Buddy.. Your crying days are over. Send your daughter to Akki's show MasterChef. There her crying skills will help her more than culinary skills. So you never knew tears are the best ingredient you can add to your food to make it a winner!!


3) Did you always doubt if your son is actually a Homo Sapiens? You went on an African safari for your honeymoon when your wife got pregnant with your son. So you think that the ape-like behavior of your son is due to the fact that he was conceived in the land of apes and monkeys. You were always worried when your son came hanging out of his school bus or had his breakfast while hanging from the ceiling fan. At the worst, he always adored Mithun Chakraborty and his Disco Dancer costume so much that he even went to temples in that costume.

God has answered your prayers: Your monkey son's abilities will be respected and groomed at a reality show called Dance India Dance. Take my words, watching your son competing with other He-monkeys and She-monkeys will make you a proud parent. You will definitely say : Kya baat Kya baat Kya baat!!


4) You were always worried by the kind of appetite your son had. He always ate more than all of the family members put together. You started to realize this when your wife stared losing weight post pregnancy and became sexier. You expected her to become fat and plumb but she became lean and sexy. Thanks to your son who sucked so much of milk from his mother’s body which resulted in making her leaner than ever. But ever since he started eating cooked food, he has become a problem. He has gained so much of weight that people call him TATA ACE- Chhota haathi.

Your days to worry about his diet and weight are gone. Send him to " Biggest Loser Kaun?" . Your son will make you proud. Only problem with this show is that the results are fixed. Biggest loser is pre-decided. He is the one hosting the show!.


5) When you were growing up, you thought ink means what you filled in your fountain pen. Your perception towards the meaning of ink changed completely when your daughter got a cupid tattoo on her belly. She wrote “What are you looking at?" on the area somewhere below her neck and above her belly. She told you that she wanted more ink at the places you cannot even mention!! And she had more boyfriends than you had classmates in your graduation class!! She calls you dude, not even dad and has got a stud on her tongue.

Dude.. It’s time to stop worrying about her. She is a definite winner of Roadies on MTV. If not roadies, she will definitely win SpilttsVilla. Her reality TV career won’t even get over after she gets married. She will make a perfect material for emotional attyachar. Be proud of your daughter.


6) Last but not the least: Your son was born with special capabilities as you call it. He was special, not like other kids. Always the slowest in the class. He could never count more than 10. He laughed at almost anything you said. He hugs everybody, starting from his mom to the sabji wala when he liked the food. When he grew up, you realized that he has gained this unique ability to speak about any topic or suggest anyone on the matter he does not have an iota of knowledge. To add to all his capabilities, he somehow memorized all cheap shairees you saw behind trucks. He keeps on reciting those at almost every occasion.

Bro.. Everyone has a place on this earth and in reality shows!! Your son will make the best reality show judge ever. He will be more popular than Navjot Singh Siddhu or Archana Puran Singh!! Hold your head high!!! Your Kids will be more popular than you ever were!. May be you will make occasional appearance on TV to tell stories about your kid!! I suggest you keep a dress ready for the happy occasion!

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